A fragment from my werewolf story, to read the prologue, go to
also, I make at least one reference to 'our' or 'we' in this part, and I'm referring to her pack. That will be obvious after I've written it all, but maybe not here. also, she's only been a were for a few months and is just discovering the joy of it. And finally, this is not directly after the prologue, it's in the middle somewhere. Here goes!
I ran. I ran from all the humanity that was haunting me into the wild, free and dark woods. I needed some darkness to forget the pain...the human world is so full of light.
I didn't care that I was running with inhuman speed; I didn't care who saw me. Our clearing raced towards me and I pushed myself until my feet flew across the earth, barely touching down. As I topped the ridge in the clearing I used all my supernatural strength to fling myself into the air, half hoping to fly beyond the mortal world. I soared through the air, and the world fell away behind me...I was level with the treetops, a member of the sky.
As my ascent slowed I opened myself to my new instincts fully, in a way I had never trusted myself to do before. I gasped as every detail of the night around me and the approaching forest flooded my mind and every cell of my body. I struggled to process everything as I fell, but I did know that such human things were of little importance, for I was one of the forest now. My body phased comfortably from one shape to the next and I landed lightly on all four legs. The magical moment of clarity had faded, but the wonder remained.
I stood bathed in moonlight and waited for...something. I wasn't sure what, but I had the definite feeling of waiting, so I did. After a few moments he came through the bushes in his wolf-skin. He stopped and looked at me, willing to leave if I wanted privacy, but I broke the distance between us and nuzzled his neck. The affection between us was more open than ever before.
I ran off into the woods, saucily flicking my tail to challenge him to a race. Tonight would just be the two of us....no humans needed.
So what do you think? Also what should the guy's name be? I just can't find the right one.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay well this is an interesting start. We've got a very pointed sort of look at how this person thinks of normal people there, so I suppose we're in the mind of some sort of immortal being that's enjoying their power. There way this is going makes me think this person just recently got said powers, but of course it is much to early to come to any conclusion, either way this is a fairly solid start here.
OOoh well it seems we have quite the repertoire of cool powers going on right here. I love the way that was brought to life there. You're doing a really awesome job with these descriptions and as a reader you can feel these ever so vividly here which adds on nicely to the light sense of mystery in the air to make for a great start.
Okayy...well that was an interesting way to cap things off, its a bit sudden change of pace almost there and I don't quite know what t feel. On one hand, it is certainly intriguing and it does make you want to keep reading here, but its also a little bit disjointed from the vibe the rest of the piece had, I'm not saying its like a complete 180, the scene itself flows okay, but the sort of atmosphere you try to establish changes a bit sharply there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Eh, I disagree with BBB. I suggest in not using personalities to find a name. The reason for this is that, if the chars are well developed, I can guess 95% that their traits will change throughout the story. BBB wanted a sturdy name for his werewolf but like he, I can promise that traits change as the character grows with you. It's not the best choice.
Instead, I use Latin, or research origins to find a special name, such as Scotland or Russia. There is always the 1000 baby names list you an google too.
As for the story, the imagery was nice, but I agree it didn't make much sense. Where did this other wolf come from, and why are they nuzzling each other?
Hmm...that was very interesting. Of course, not much of it made sense. All of the sudden the guy popped out of no where, but you said that this was in the middle, so it could make sense if we read the rest.
As for names; that's totally up to you. What I would do is this: what kind of a personality does he have? I have been writing a werewolf story also, and I based my names off of their personalities. Such as this:
I needed a very powerful werewolf who people feared. He would be mean and cruel unto all werewolves, no matter who they were.
So then I picked a strong, scary name: Wolfgang. It's really a strong name, and I think that it fit the bill perfectly.
So, base your name off of his personality. It will make the effect much stronger and make your story believable.
Good job and happy writings!
BBB